You know you live in the middle of nowhere when:
1) ... the family in the trailer down the road spends more on a marquee sign advertising 'Christmas Fireworks' than they do for any dental care in the past year.
I mean there are several reasons why fireworks and Christmas just don't seem to mix for me, but the most obvious one is this.. the family advertised that fireworks make "great stocking stuffers".. really? I'm no firefighter or smokey the bear-type but it doesn't seem to take a rocket scientist to figure out explosives hanging by socks infront of a fireplace spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R!!!
2) ... you go on a nice little run and can use road kill as mile markers.
True story, happened today. I set out on my quest to conquer 4 miles of country road. I found as I pounded the pavement there was a dead skunk at mile marker one. Shortly before knocking out two miles I had to step over a flattened oppossum. The third mile brought with it a special stinch of dead raccoon and maggots.. and then I turned around and passed it all over again on the trip home. I was mildly pleased to see the skunk the second time around - it meant I only had one mile left to go.
3) ... your friends and neighbors mark every special occassion by shooting off fireworks.
It's really the trailer families fault, but it seems that people in my neighborhood find every excuse in the book to blow something up. It causes the dog and baby to go nuts. We aren't big fans of fireworks in my household. The chaos they cause just doesn't seem worth it for me.
4) ... the opening of a Subway sandwich shop 4 miles away from your front door seems like you've struck gold.
If only I could get them to open a Sonic. I'd truly be in heaven.
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